Only Child Syndrome

Eden Bike

{My diva-licious daughter on Christmas with her new bike. She is a hoot.}

I have a confession to make.

I don’t want to have any more children.

(Please, don’t shoot me – especially all my wonderful friends who are mom’s to multiple kids or my lovely friends who are desperately trying to have children!)

And when I tell people this, I get the whole awkward moment conversation and the, “Oh……”  Or I get the, “Well, aren’t you thinking of your daughter? She NEEDS a sibling.” And it makes me frustrated. Since when does ANYONE else know what is best for my daughter? Or my family for that matter?

Why would I want to birth/add more children to my family just to have others/society/my own family approve of me? How does that benefit me, my child or my family in general??

I decided to write this because I feel it is important to share something with you all. God has used this frustration of the “only child issue” to reveal  revelations to me as I struggled with my own convictions/desires on the issue vs. what others wanted me to do.

Here is what I feel He is teaching me:

Motherhood is a calling and deciding to become a mother is a HUGE choice. It isn’t a passing fancy, something that we do for fun or to feel like we belong with the other friends in our age group/community. We choose this because we feel it is something God has called us to do. Whether someone chooses to have one child, multiple children or to adopt children, it should be a decision made prayerfully in coordination with God’s plan for her and her family’s life.

Not only that, but what I do as a mother is unto the Lord, and not other people.

God is slowly teaching me that I am to be hidden in HIS will for my life. He is showing me that He will reveal to me through His spirit if any of my desires or convictions are not right or not a part of His plan for me. I choose to live my life to glorify Him alone.

God has also used this issue to bring to light my intense desire to people-please. I have always wanted approval from others, even from a young age. For whatever reason, my self-worth seemed to be tied to achieving a good reputation amongst my family, friends and (now) co-workers. While these desires are not wrong in their entirety, putting too much emphasis on your reputation or how people perceive you can lead to anxiety/worry and to NOT focusing on the Lord.

I had no idea when I became a mother, that this issue would thrust me into a spot-light where people will comment on my parenting skills, my daughters behavior and personality, and my family’s decisions on whether to expand and have more children (or not). But today I choose to not get frustrated, people-please or become bitter; instead, I choose joy and will turn to Christ and His word to find my peace and self-worth.

12 edited blog

{I love my silly family. We are a perfect fit. Thank you LORD for my family!}

Are you struggling in an area of your life where you turn to people pleasing?

Do you feel like you need to make people in your family, peer group or workplace happy all of the time?

God did not intend for you to give your life over to others. He wants you to rest IN HIM and what HE HAS for your life. Get into His word. Pray. Seek Godly counsel. Ask God for help and seek Him in all areas of your life. He will reveal to you what decisions you should make in whatever area you are struggling in today.

Blessings, friends!

Some verses for encouragement….. 🙂

Galatians 1:10:

“Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.”

Colossians 3:23:

“Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.”

Colossians 3:17:

“And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.”

Comments

  1. “Not only that, but what I do as a mother is unto the Lord, and not other people.”
    Love this!

  2. Oh man there is so much truth in this post. You are right that motherhood thrust you into the spotlight were people think they have the right to share their opinions and judge you for decisions. It makes it that much harder to be confident in your identity. And you are right it is a calling, and we only get through with the grace and power of God. Thank-goodness for him! Thanks for sharing these truths today. I have been struggling lately with feeling judged about being a working mom.

  3. First of all… love the look of your blog! 😉

    Secondly… I can DEFINITELY relate to this. I have a four-year-old son and I’ve had to answer the whole “when are you going to have more” question since he was a year old. Although we do differ on the desire for more {I’d love to have more children in the future}, I do agree with you that the main issue is being content with the number of children God has given us and not worrying about what everyone else thinks. Now when people ask, I just say, “In God’s timing…” and that usually shuts them up.

    {P.S. I finally figured out why I couldn’t comment before… my email address was connected to my WordPress account – that I don’t use – and wouldn’t let me comment without logging in… So, I’ll just sign in to comment from now on… No biggie!}

  4. Carrie… I feel I owe people an apology when I ask, don’t you want another child? Or say things like, “it’s because he’s an only child he acts this way…” This post has def given me a different perspective and you’re right who is society to say we need to have more than one child to be a “perfect family?” I’m so glad you have a healthy outlook on what God has given you! Amen, sister!

    Also, have I told you lately that I love you? ❤

  5. I am totally struggling with whether or not I want more babies. I do, but I don’t. I love my son so much I couldn’t imagine him being put to the side momentarily for an infant. Then I love him too much to not let him be a big brother. This post helped me pray very deliberately about why I would truly want more children. Thank you for that!!

    xoxo Kristin

    • You go girl. I can honestly say you’ll know in your spirit what is right. I’m open to change, especially if that involves adoption. I know I won’t be having them naturally unless god intervenes. I feel peace about it, and I know he will bring the same for you, too!

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